- Bad ideas
- Slight oversights
- Minor missteps
- Youthful indiscretions
- Downright absurdity
Every one of these is a photo I have personally taken while showing a home that is for sale. The only exception is that a couple are listing photos that were actually posted in the MLS with the intent of marketing the property... Enjoy.
DON'T:
Keep your prescription meds next to the real bear leg on your bedroom dresser. I don't even know what to make of this.
DON'T:
Leave a lighter in such close proximity to a spoon on your bathroom counter. There's only one reason you would need a lighter, and a spoon, in your bathroom. Not ok.
DON'T:
Try to shoot prospective buyers with your mailbox. This guy also left a handgun on the dresser for the showing.
DON'T:
Invite innuendo-loaded commentary.
Invite innuendo-loaded commentary.
DON'T:
Forget the purpose of common household fixtures. Toilet seat lids are meant to cover up toilets, not turn toilets into dioramas.
Forget the purpose of common household fixtures. Toilet seat lids are meant to cover up toilets, not turn toilets into dioramas.
DON'T:
Forget to have your kids clean up their mess when they're done playing.
Forget to have your kids clean up their mess when they're done playing.
DON'T:
Put glitter on anything except your child's art project. Preemptive strike: Your laundry room ceiling does not count as your child's art project.
Put glitter on anything except your child's art project. Preemptive strike: Your laundry room ceiling does not count as your child's art project.
DON'T:
Try to make a homemade bidet. If that's even what this is.
Try to make a homemade bidet. If that's even what this is.
DON'T:
Attempt to create a self-styled Sybaris suite. That's a mirror built into the shower surround.
Attempt to create a self-styled Sybaris suite. That's a mirror built into the shower surround.
DON'T:
Leave your secret "me-time" closet unlocked.
Leave your secret "me-time" closet unlocked.
DON'T:
Scrawl your home maintenance log on your furnace. If you're not well-schooled on the newfangled techniques required to operate Microsoft Office, a simple pen and paper will do.
Scrawl your home maintenance log on your furnace. If you're not well-schooled on the newfangled techniques required to operate Microsoft Office, a simple pen and paper will do.
DON'T:
Just don't have this.
Just don't have this.
DON'T:
Disregard directions that say, "This side up."
Disregard directions that say, "This side up."
DON'T:
Leave your family room looking like an acid trip. You're marketing to a very small segment of buyers (drug addicts who qualify for a mortgage).
Leave your family room looking like an acid trip. You're marketing to a very small segment of buyers (drug addicts who qualify for a mortgage).
DON'T:
Recess your bath tub into the floor. Unless, of course, you're seven feet tall and REALLY need the clearance.
Recess your bath tub into the floor. Unless, of course, you're seven feet tall and REALLY need the clearance.
DON'T:
Install a TV mount in the center of your bedroom. That junction box up there in the middle of the ceiling? That's for a light, or a ceiling fan. Not a TV.
Install a TV mount in the center of your bedroom. That junction box up there in the middle of the ceiling? That's for a light, or a ceiling fan. Not a TV.
DON'T:
Trespass, G!
Trespass, G!
DON'T:
Put wood grain on your water heater. That belongs on your station wagon.
Put wood grain on your water heater. That belongs on your station wagon.
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DON'T:
Try to freehand special effects in Microsoft Paint for your listing photos. Especially when the photo is just a picture of a door.
Try to freehand special effects in Microsoft Paint for your listing photos. Especially when the photo is just a picture of a door.
DON'T:
Attempt to recreate scenes from Pet Sematary in your basement. This is full-on creepy.
Attempt to recreate scenes from Pet Sematary in your basement. This is full-on creepy.
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DON'T:
Have phantom ghost vehicles in the driveway in your listing photos. Again, refrain from using Microsoft Paint at any juncture when listing homes.
Have phantom ghost vehicles in the driveway in your listing photos. Again, refrain from using Microsoft Paint at any juncture when listing homes.
DON'T:
Let a lion be on your bed in one of your listing photos. Even if it's fake. It looks kinda real.
I call him, "The Listing Lion."
I call him, "The Listing Lion."
In case "DON'T let a lion be on your bed" was too specific, let me rephrase.
DON'T: Let any sort of stuffed big cat be on your bed, including but not limited to lions, tigers, bobcats, leopards, jaguars, cheetahs, pumas, and ocelots.
DON'T:
Forget the bath"room" is a separate "room" and there should a "wall" between it and the rest of your master bedroom. Without exaggerating, this bath-area took up quite a bit more than 50% of the master suite in this condo.
Forget the bath"room" is a separate "room" and there should a "wall" between it and the rest of your master bedroom. Without exaggerating, this bath-area took up quite a bit more than 50% of the master suite in this condo.
DON'T:
Try to sell a $200,000 house with a microsink in the second bathroom. Nice faucet though.
Try to sell a $200,000 house with a microsink in the second bathroom. Nice faucet though.
DON'T:
Try to sell a $200,000 house with a microtub in the second bathroom. Especially when it's right next to a microsink. My client in this picture is maybe 5'4".
Try to sell a $200,000 house with a microtub in the second bathroom. Especially when it's right next to a microsink. My client in this picture is maybe 5'4".
DON'T:
Design the hallway in your condo conversion to look like an M.C. Escher drawing.
Design the hallway in your condo conversion to look like an M.C. Escher drawing.
DON'T:
Use contractors who think this is what you mean by "insulated wires." Things could turn out badly.
DON'T:
[Where to start... I need a bulleted list for this one.]
- Use wallpaper
- Use metallic, shiny wallpaper
- Use metallic, shiny wallpaper on the ceiling
- Use metallic, shiny wallpaper on the ceiling in your bathroom
[Where to start... I need a bulleted list for this one.]
- Use wallpaper
- Use metallic, shiny wallpaper
- Use metallic, shiny wallpaper on the ceiling
- Use metallic, shiny wallpaper on the ceiling in your bathroom
DON'T:
Misspell words on permanent signs in the common areas of your condo. Or if you must misspell, at least limit it to one error per word. Please.
Misspell words on permanent signs in the common areas of your condo. Or if you must misspell, at least limit it to one error per word. Please.
DON'T:
Intentionally place a creepy human head doll on display. In the living room right where all of your would-have-been-buyers are walking in. This is one of my favorites.
Intentionally place a creepy human head doll on display. In the living room right where all of your would-have-been-buyers are walking in. This is one of my favorites.
DON'T:
Let a tree be the strongest part of your porch.
These are hilarious. I have seen a couple tigers/lions on beds & plenty of metallic & even velvet wallpaper...sometimes on ceilings!
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